Kindly dilemmas
Friday morning, like most weekday mornings began with my usual commute the office and my usual stop at the most covenient Starbucks or coffeshop for a tall coffee and a muffin or croissant. As I left the coffeeshop, a familiar homeless person confronted me and asked me for a quarter to buy a cup of coffee because she was very cold and hungry. I offerred her the coffee and muffin that I had in my hands but she didn't want either. She said that she can't go into that shop to have it and would rather some change so that she could go to another place where they would let her inside. And so I reached into my pocket, glanced sympathetically at her strung out face and handed her a twoonie. She was obviously strung out and homeless due to drug addiction. I felt saddened and wanted to help her as best as I could. I half believed that she just wanted to go someplace else where they would let her sit inside but the skeptic in me knew that she was probably aching more for her next hit than for some food and warmth. Whatever it is that she used that twoonie for, it meant a lot more to her than it means to me. I probably would have spent it on something useless or bad for me anyway.
I don't mind giving money to homeless people sometimes even though that I know that most of the time the money goes towards illicit substances. It isn't so difficult for me to have a bit of sympathy every once in a while. I do find it hard sometimes to be sympathic towards able-bodied young people living on the street. I know that there is a lot of emotional, physical or psychological trauma that causes them to choose to live like that but I find it hard to be sympathetic knowing that there are many other people who have two or three crappy jobs and struggle to survive. To me, there is more nobility in a struggling single mother, a new immigrant or refugee with no familial support who works long and very difficult hours for very small wages so that they aren't on the street begging for money. I resolve my dilemma by giving change selectively to only people who appear really desparate.
The dilemmas on this odd day didn't stop there.
Later that morning, I was faced with another dilemma of a different kind.
Someone who used to work with me and my small team is getting married some time this year. Up came the suggestion that we give her something 'personal' by chipping in and buying her something on top of the 'company gift' that she would be due to receive. Personally, I'm not particularly fond of the person getting married but I can tolerate her as a coworker. It wasn't my intention to buy her anything for her wedding but now that the suggestion came up and both my boss and my other coworker thought it was a good idea to get her something, I felt a bit pressured to oblige. With some trepidation, I declined to participate. When it became apparent that I was not happy at all with the suggestion, I explained to my coworker that I was not happy with the presumption that I would have participated and would prefer it if the question of whether I would want to get a gift (or chip in) were asked of me first.
It might seem scrooge-like but I really dont care to give gifts to people that I don't really like and are not close to me.
I try to be kind most of the time but I guess I'm selective.
I don't mind giving money to homeless people sometimes even though that I know that most of the time the money goes towards illicit substances. It isn't so difficult for me to have a bit of sympathy every once in a while. I do find it hard sometimes to be sympathic towards able-bodied young people living on the street. I know that there is a lot of emotional, physical or psychological trauma that causes them to choose to live like that but I find it hard to be sympathetic knowing that there are many other people who have two or three crappy jobs and struggle to survive. To me, there is more nobility in a struggling single mother, a new immigrant or refugee with no familial support who works long and very difficult hours for very small wages so that they aren't on the street begging for money. I resolve my dilemma by giving change selectively to only people who appear really desparate.
The dilemmas on this odd day didn't stop there.
Later that morning, I was faced with another dilemma of a different kind.
Someone who used to work with me and my small team is getting married some time this year. Up came the suggestion that we give her something 'personal' by chipping in and buying her something on top of the 'company gift' that she would be due to receive. Personally, I'm not particularly fond of the person getting married but I can tolerate her as a coworker. It wasn't my intention to buy her anything for her wedding but now that the suggestion came up and both my boss and my other coworker thought it was a good idea to get her something, I felt a bit pressured to oblige. With some trepidation, I declined to participate. When it became apparent that I was not happy at all with the suggestion, I explained to my coworker that I was not happy with the presumption that I would have participated and would prefer it if the question of whether I would want to get a gift (or chip in) were asked of me first.
It might seem scrooge-like but I really dont care to give gifts to people that I don't really like and are not close to me.
I try to be kind most of the time but I guess I'm selective.
posted by jadedmonkey at 2:53 p.m.
1 Comments:
u go jMo! this situation has come up time and time again in our department. one year someone i wasn't that close to invited me to her wedding. i did not wind up attending because it would have been a waste of a night for me to be honest being around people i don't really like + coworkers also. i spend enough time with them on the daily already! don't feel bad. eventually u won't even care that u didn't chip in. re: the homeless lady - it's best not to think where the money's going. it's just like loaning dvds/money to friends - don't expect to ever see it back if u're ready to part with it. xo. - willariah -
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